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Dienstag, 12. Februar 2013

Rattled and Shaken

My week and time in general have been rather great lately - so it was of course inevitable to have that crash rather spectacularly.

It started out with way too little sleep, although I'm not even complaining about that anymore (the only downside here is that I am really tired now but in desperate need of a skyping session :/), and then Creative Writing, which was great as always.
I have realized that I lose the ability to recognize sarcasm though when I'm tired... :D

Math was rather easy, so I probably made a whole bunch of silly mistakes. Who cares? Not me today. (I hope that stays that way)
I lent my notes to the German exchange student that has transferred into our Math class right today, and we left the class ridiculously early after I was finished with my test.

During lunch I talked to Mr W, and I will talk to Rourke Chartier (and trust me it's hard to believe that he is only one year and 20 days - exactly - older than me ...), so I compiled questions in collaboration with Mr M - probably too many to ask, but there's just so much interesting stuff!

Spanish was boring as ever, but we're finally doing our group presentations - and one of our members was absent, so we were unfortunately unable to hold our own. Such a misfortune! (Please do note the sarcasm.)

Entrepreneurship... well, we've got our marketing idea, although I am rather indifferent about it. I can't really tell you anything - our competition might steal our secrets! (Ha. Ha. There are no secrets.)

After school, Andy picked me up after I talked to Mr Smith, the librarian (and OMFG, HE HAS A LAB THAT LOOKS EXACTLY LIKE DUSTIN!!!!!!!!!! Made me miss my poor doggy all that much more), and dropped me off at the gym Marina dragged me to (she offered and I didn't wanna cancel even after I changed hostfamily, and it's a pretty nice gym - and good for me :) I gained about ten to fifteen pound, so I desperately need to go and work out again!) and guess who I saw:

Yes, exactly. Marina.
I wasn't expecting her, to say the least. In all the three months I've been to the gym relatively regularly - especially before Christmas I went every day after school - I had never once seen her. So when I enter the change rooms with a weird feeling in the pit of my stomach and spy her sitting on the bench hunched over her shoes at the other end, let's just say I panicked. I didn't even really see her, only her silhouette, but that was enough for my heart beat to spike, the blood to start pounding in my carotid artery (in your neck) and my ears and for my body to react instantly by ducking into one of the cubicles for changing before she could see me and hiding out therein until I was sure the change rooms were deserted.
I might or might not have texted Andy totally rattled... (Spoiler Alert: I did)

Well, I plugged my headphones in, was unbelievably jumpy while changing and then did my best to keep my head down and ignore her in the gym.

She passed by me a couple of times while I was on the stationary bike, and I was insanely aware of her every move, so that was not a pleasant visit.

I talked to Andy about it, about how that reaction wasn't the best and I shouldn't let her over-power me so much even after three months, but well, that was exactly the reason why I wanted to change:
She induced panic in me and made me feel helpless, powerless and small.
And especially without any kind of warning I wasn't able to stand up to her.
I'm usually not at all afraid to speak my mind (although I have become way more self-conscious over the years, I can suppress these second thoughts pretty thoroughly), but in that moment I was caught completely off guard.
So now I know I can expect her, and maybe psyche myself up before hand - and I really should at least greet her nicely, because I don't want anybody to say that I am rude. (I'm usually not, just too absorbed in my head, so sorry).
And all that turmoil is making me kinda homesick - or at least makes me long for home (and yes, there is a difference :) )...

And then of course the Blackhawks went on to lose tonight's game (fortunately in a Shootout, so their Undefeated-in-Regulation-Streak continues) and the Oilers did the same (after having the lead! Urgh, that team!)

So yeah, although my day was rather good, I am a bit down now.
And tired...
So I'm waiting for my mom to skype, and then I'm going to bed.

G'night everybody!

1 Kommentar:

  1. Everybody living through the time you had in Marina's house would have reacted exactly the same. You call it re-traumatizing because that lady had a traumatizing effect on you. Your body's reaction (blood-pressure etc) gives proof of it.
    So you do the absolut ideal thing to get in touch with your loved ones - perfect self-support. You do very well !
    Take care,
    guess who :-)


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